The American Voter, and why he Sucks

Voting. It’s the most basic, fundamental right of each and every American citizen, and no one, no matter what, should ever be denied that right. To do so would be a travesty, under any circumstances. This is what I have been told, over and over again, by teachers, activists, and countless talking heads on the boobtube. In response, I offer to them this immortal quote from General A.C. McAuliffe at the Battle of the Bulge:

”Nuts!”

I for one (and maybe only one), truly believe that what this nation really needs is fewer voters. Our electoral system, and indeed our very democratic republic, are plagued by unqualified fools who genuinely have no business exerting any influence whatsoever on the governmental goings-on in this country. Allowing the shiftless, the criminal, and above all the stupid to vote for anything more than dog catcher is not a sign of how enlightened a society we are. Just the opposite: it shows that we are actually backward enough to let the inmates run the asylum.

I think we seriously need to raise the bar of qualifications for voting rights. In the early days of this country, voting was limited to land-owning white males. I’m not suggesting we take it that far, but simply managing to breathe for eighteen uninterrupted years just doesn’t cut it. And so, I, being one who believes in providing solutions to the problems about which I complain, offer you now my three point list of (what should be) qualifications for voting.

1) Only taxpayers should be allowed to vote.

In the days when only white land-owners could vote, it was done that way because those were the only people thought to have a genuine stake in the outcome of elections. This of course was demonstrably false. Female and non-white land owners were still prohibited from voting, and people who owned no land still have some stake in how the land on which they lived was controlled.

But even though the execution was massively flawed, the basic premise was still accurate: only those who have an actual stake in the political process should have any say in its workings. Transposed to the modern day, this means taxpayers. Their pockets are picked incessantly by their federal, state and local governments. The money taken is redistributed and spent at the whim of any number of politicians and bureaucrats, with precious little say left to those from whom it was confiscated. Not only do we have almost no say in how our tax money is spent, we don’t even have much in how much is taken in the first place. The confiscating party determines the rate at which we are taxed, which means they effectively have total control of our money (btw, ever hear a politician say shit like “we can’t afford a tax cut!”? Notice they never ask whether you or I can afford an increase?)

But all that’s a problem of who we’re voting for. The problem where the voter himself comes in is that far too many of them aren’t actually paying any taxes, and are even on the receiving end of the money being lifted from our paychecks. Think I’m over exaggerating? We heard a whole screaming lot over the last few years about how G.W. Bush’s tax cuts gave the largest breaks to the richest 1% of Americans. Naturally, we envision fat CEOs in three-piece suits laughing at us while they light Cuban cigars with hundred-dollar bills. But here’s what they didn’t mention: that 1%, pays nearly 40% of the nation’s tax burden. What else didn’t they mention? That 1% is anyone making $388,806 and up. Don’t get me wrong, $400 grand is hardly a sum I’d turn down, but it’s far from the filthy rich jet set we’re left to imagine.

As for the rest of the pie, anyone making $65,000 or more is in the top 25%, and anyone making more than $31,988 is in the top 50%, which pays 97% of all income taxes in this country. For those of you who flunked basic math, that means that an entire half of all wage earners are chipping in a measly 3% of all that money flowing into Washington. And let’s not forget those who are paying no taxes at all (welfare recipients come to mind). Yet this bottom half are the largest recipients of federal social and entitlement spending, which, like everything else, comes out of your pocket and mine. That these have the same vote that their taxpaying benefactors do is more than just wrong, it’s dumb. The reasons should be self evident. Alexander Tytler put it best:

”A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship.”

2) Citizens of other countries have no business voting in the United States.

Sounds pretty obvious, right? I mean hell, if I were to say that I, a Pennsylvanian, had any right to vote for the governership of Indiana, folks would look at me like I was nuts. And it would be even more ridiculous of me to claim any rightful say in the presidential elections of Mexico or El Salvador, right? Of course it would. These are all sovereign entities, and the course of their governance should be determined by their citizens alone. The same holds true for the United States.

But still there is a massive push to register illegal aliens to vote here. The usual suspects are to blame: parts of the Agriculture industry, labor unions (who are selling out their fool members by doing this), Democrats, some Republicans, and race-hustler groups such as La Raza. Basically, anyone who thinks they can benefit from an unrestricted flow of third worlders into this country; and the rest of us be damned.

Now I’m not fixing to get into the immigration debate in depth here today. Those of you who know me already know my stance on it, and the rest of you can probably guess. My only point here and now is that these are citizens of Mexico, or Nicaragua, or Ecuador, or wherethehellever, and they should be working to shape and better their own governments to their liking, not interfering with ours. Moreover, I am one who firmly believes that it is the individuals that make the society, not the other way around. A nation is, for better or for worse, what its citizens make of it. If a nation is a third world hellhole, it is that way because its people, whether by design or incompetence, made it that way, or at least allowed it. So why would we want those shaping ours?

3) Stupid people shouldn’t vote.

Now this of course is a tough one, because more than the other two combined, this one has the potential to wipe out huge swaths of the voting public (part of the reason I like it). I think that some sort of standard should be applied to make sure that the people who are shaping our political landscape have at least some basic idea of what it is they are shaping (or what the hell they are doing). I’m not suggesting we give out an IQ test at the polls. It would be pointless. I’ve known people with amazing IQs and analytical abilities who are nonetheless dumber than rocks. But I reckon a simple questionnaire, designed to demonstrate a basic knowledge of U.S. history, government, and constitution would be appropriate.

Questions of minutia will not be necessary. Things like “The Alien & Sedition Acts were signed by which president?” or “What is meant by the term bicameral legislature?” would not be on my exam*. No, just a few simple points designed to weed out the truly clueless. I’d even make it multiple choice. Here are a few ideas:

The top position in the Executive branch is
a)President b)Majority Whip c)Chief Justice d)Head Muthafucka In Charge, biotch!

The legislature is comprised of the Senate and the
a)Circuit Court b)Congress c) The House of Representatives d) Da House of Representin’!

The words “We hold these truths to be self-evident” are found in what part of the U.S. Constitution?
a)The Preamble b)The Bill Of Rights c)Article 1 Section A d)That’s the Declaration of Independence, dumbass!

The last four (4) words of the U.S. National Anthem are
Land of the Free b)Home of the Brave c)O Say, can you See? d)Gentlemen, start your engines!

See? Simple shit.

Seriously though, stupid or uninformed people in voting booths are possibly the single greatest threat to our democratic Republic. And they have the power to cancel your vote.

*PS-
For those of you who don’t know, the answers are ”John Adams”, and “legislature of two houses”, respectively.

Breakdown of tax burden vs. income, via Kiplinger.com